Ryûjin no Miko, Tanaka Ukyô tomossu
by Tomosada
Summary: Hagio Kudan calls upon the Dragon God to send them a priestess; but being tired of dumb little girls from Shôjô manga, the chosen one this time is a badass female martial artist, Onna-Bugeisha. Ensues a dance and song amidst blood and darkness pierced by the gleam of treasured steel, followed by a crazy hierogamy.


_**Harukanaru Jikû no Naka de VI Fanfiction,**_

 _ **Ryūjin no Onnamusha, the Dragon God's she-warrior**_

 _ **written by Tomosada**_

" _ **Thou wast chosen by the Ryūgyoku.**_

\- Why?

 _ **\- What, why? Because I needest thee. Most young'un nowadays are unreliable punks, naïve little girls or creepy otaku infatuated with 2D! They all think that True Japan means concrete jungle, ugly buildings covered in rearranged sand, petty politics, rational thinking and gutless adults everywhere. Duh, even voting nationalists ain't gonna solve da problem, because the current Emperor has been indoctrinated with Universalist crap.**_

\- Yeah… so what?

 _ **\- Thou, daughter of the gods, spiritually aware one, Kannagi no Miko; thou who reached Accomplishment and deep understanding in mystical awareness; thou alone may correct mortal destinies by teaching to the ones responsible for pansy ass moderns True Manliness.**_

\- No…

 _ **\- Why?!**_

\- 'Cause I'm a samurai, I'm too busy serving my lord father and stuff. Go flood them with yer piss instead of rain or somethin', I don't care.

 _ **\- Even if thou canst kill leftists and drink a lot of red imported western wine?**_

\- … _Understood. I shall do thy biding diligently, milord._

 _ **\- That was a fast change of mind, O-Samurai-san. Got me real worry for a second, 'twas the first time someone was ballsy enough to bitch slap me in her dreams.**_

\- Faster, if ya don't wanna worry for a decade instead of a second.

 _ **\- Wait, please! I forgot something…**_

\- What is it…? How to breath by yer nose ? Unless 'twas to tell me what I must actually do, at last ?

 _ **\- Akutagawa Ryūnosuke… punch that slanderous ungrateful little atheistic scoundrel in the friggin' face for me, please!**_

\- No way! Leave him be; the poor thing… Don't you know that he committed suicide out of depression, because his literature was too great for his contemporaries' taste?

 **-** _ **Please, if I go do it myself, moronic Heisei era Japanese will think I'm a kaiju or somethin' and set ablaze my Shrine at Kibune-yama… for retribution! Modern hummies are crazy like that, ye know? Environment must be protected, 'tis an ecological issue! Pretty much the only thing I and the current Emperor agree on…**_

\- I don't care. Go make yerself worshippers in Africa, they always need water. Ya gonna be super popular over there, dude.

 _ **\- Have mercy on me, Ukyō-chan... it's fine for the Central Realm, Zhongyuan, the Peaceful Southern Lands, the Morning Kingdom and the Divine Land, but, dost thou hast any idea how much more sea water I would need to drink for friggin' Sahara alone ? All this salt, 'tis bad for my kidneys, knowest thou not?!**_

\- Now I know why most people can't see or speak to the gods directly… they would be too weak to survive hearing the truth. Doesn't bother me, though, just had to mix water with wine or Sake.

 _ **\- Besides, there are a lot of ridiculous diseases, over there! I didn't evolve in that hellhole, so my immunity system may really not work!**_

\- What are ye, a sissy or somethin'? No wonder there are so few dragons in Yōkai stories. Just sacrifice yourself like Jesus, if you're too poor to buy friggin' medicine!

 _ **\- What are you doing ! This story was supposed to respect the "No Such Thing As Wizard Jesus" trope!**_

\- I'm tired of yer shit. Go put it in a field to make it more fertile.

\- _**Oï! I'm not a cat or a horse…**_

\- Sure… Hurry up, dragon god. How much longer are ye gonna keep me here speaking with ye? Are ye a lonely old folk or somethin'?

 _ **\- Yeah. Sure… I mean… sorry. Awaken, thou who wouldst be my priestess! Also… Fuck. Them. Up!"**_

In a palace of the Taishō era, a tornado invaded one gallant room where a group of military officers, generals and civilian officials and religious and political advisors had gathered, destroying the windows. In the midst of this draconic stormy might, a person could be perceived, wrapped by the curtains. A woman with long black hair arranged in a similar fashion to a hime-cut.

As soon as the tornado disappeared, as soon as the winds faded away, she who had been roughly transported on the ground opened her eyes and checked on her situation. Panic and disarray had soon phased away from everyone, the young woman too.

"She opened her eyes…"

"She actually appeared…"

"These supernatural forces have quietened… so, that was the summoning ritual, uh…"

"This is the priestess… she seems young."

"I can't see her face properly."

"Nor her cunt."

People were talking random bullcrap in the gathered crowd of officials and important personages. In such circumstances, surely, the thought process of a normal teenage girl would fail into disarray : "where am I", and "those weird old men smelling like old men are wearing military uniforms, how weird..." and "ñooôoO^dDOdijioo, this is scary…" crying like a sissy.

But.

She wasn't scared.

She was just rolling on the ground in order to free herself from the curtainous impediment chaining her down. Thinking about it, she was quite angry… Formerly, Japanese curtains weren't like that Western stuff; they were just bamboo stores for crying out loud!

She had just trash talked a god into giving her a divine mission of her fancy, after all, and that was the grand ceremony she got to award her arrival?

"Priestess of the Dragon God."

She turned to face a beautiful young man with feminine features and clear coloured long hairs, sitting on a chair and wearing a white kimono with rich garments.

"I am Hagio Kudan, of the Star Clan, Hoshi no Ichizoku. We have been waiting for you."

But as he spoke, light extinguished a black out causing the crowd to be lightly agitated. Fools, what was she thought into herself, for are they not military personnel? She started to understand why the dragon god had brought her there, but before she could yell at them, which she planned to start doing any second now since she was already nearly out of the evil curtains the mean ophidian water god had imprisoned her as a mean to enact revenge / heavenly punishment for her insolence; the enemy fell upon them.

"Kudan-dono !"

One assailant appeared behind her from the window, and attacked after pushing her away.

"Move over, miss…"

She wanted to praise their timing… but most of all, their guts. That's right… She… had misunderstood Hagio Kudan's name for "9th Dan Hagio", a master martial artist hiding his genius and extremely hard core skills with a frail appearance... was what she had thought.

"That is, if you don't want to fall victim to these claws !"

The man had claws on his hand, something reminiscent to a certain ninja weapon, actually a tool favoured for climbing, and with it, he attempted to strike an officer who stood behind Hagio Kudan. They wore black capes and shrouded their faces.

"A raid by rebels! Impossible…! Not in the head-quarters!"

One of them was standing in front of the priestess, clad in black, with blue eyes shining in the darkness.

"Captain, capture them!"

She didn't awaited those soldiers to man'up or capture the enemies. No. Those were rebels, people who committed the heinous felony of "Muhon", they weren't worthy of living. As soon as realisation fell upon her she rolled on the grounds in order to escape. To escape ? No. She fled to the feet of a general with a Katana shaped sword, grasped it's Tsuka, and drew it.

Bizen no kuni ju Nidaime _Osafune Moriie_ , Tachi… Saijō saku.

The "Iai-giri" cut, done one handed, was shallow and didn't had as goal to slay the enemy, but to keep away those who had chased her ; yet, it was indeed a dangerous stroke, directed not toward the face or chest, but the foot of the man, even on ancient battlefields, rare were the attacks coming low. And indeed, a man with a cane in his hand fell back to avoid the blade, raising his foot. The priestess took a seigan-no-kamae and named herself…

"Enshin ryū, Sōke-dairi, Tanaka Ukyō Aoi... Mahiru !"

… and thrust her sword toward the man with the cane. He deflected the stroke with it, and called upon her.

"Wait…"

Too late. She lowered the katana and put the kissaki away from the foreign man… but it was no sign of peace. Merely a manifestation of one of the most terrifying aspects of swordsmanship… just moving one's hands of several centimetres may cause fatal injuries. And sure enough, she stroked him down, cutting across his chest with an ascending strike, burying the Monouchi in his chest, split apart in a crimson geyser, and exiting through in one smooth cutting move; placing her sword above her head and striking fiercely, Moriie split his chest in twain – instant death.

Then, she proceeded toward the clawed man and in three steps, raised her sword above her head, she stroke, targeting his face and upper chest. The man blocked it with his claw, between the three metallic blades he intercepted it, thinking of making the sword's tip point away from him. But the forceful impact shook his hand, his right hand. That's is what happens when you use such an unpractical thing as a weapon. Before he put her sword's tip away, or strike her with his other hand's claw, she used Moriie to go through the spaces between each claw and pierced his throat; and while he was falling on his knees, drowning in his own blood, kicked him in the belly. He fell on his butt, his hand on his left throat, and the right one panicking while attempting to keep his foes away through aimless, shallow strikes. Ukyô rose the blade once more, and split his face in two distinct parts, cutting his ape mask apart in the process.

"Nooooooooooooooo… ! You don't understand, we're not here to harm you ! The military…

\- I don't care. I was promised some Leftists for my evening menu to-day. Perish the Liberal & Marxist Thoughts! "

A third man was there, trying to ease her wrath; but she rushed to strike him down. He was armed with a chain weapon, and used it to attempt to block her Kesa-giri stroke with it… and as result, both the chain and his frail torso were cut apart, a return strike cut his neck before that it fell on the ground, causing a small pond of blood and viscera to appear, and an officer to fall and splash in it after walking on the poor bishonen's face ; she remembered of that tale of Toyotomi Hideyoshi, Nobunaga's monkey, allegedly causing a spring of water to appear miraculously. The poor guy had died regretting to have attempted to summon a ultra-right wing katana wielding crazy chick.

Yep. It wasn't the Dragon God's priestess. More like his female warrior, Onna-musha.

Amidst the blood bath and the broken glass she sat in Seiza, facing the Lunar God who shone by the window, and the katana sword by the crimson red of fresh blood colored.

It was a hellish but evilly beautiful sight.

After all… wasn't she clearly a reliable woman, who had accomplished handily what Captain Arima failed to do in spite of having a clearly better weapon, training and preparations than those… blond teenage cultists… or something. Surely, the Tsukiyami threat wouldn't be much of a problem.

Silence fell upon the small crowd, and just a second after a seasoned colonel started breaking it, she had made her mind. She… sang and dance a 3 minutes performing.

 _Ashura Nō Yashima_

 _Yoshitsune: Who is my foe in the slaughter of_ _Asura_ _today?_

And so saying, she rose on her feet, a fan in hand, upon which were written the first lines of Jinmu-Tennō's tale.

 _Oh, 'tis Noto-no-kami Noritsune!_

Her hands took an horizontal stance and she walked with fast small steps toward her right.

 _How imposing!_

The fan hand was passed in front of her face and brought at the pelvis' level, then in front of her face, and toward the right side of her head, 3 times again from top to bottom.

 _I know thy skills. Thou remindest me of the battle at Dan-no-Ura._

After dancing a bit more, the ghost of Yoshitsune became silent, and his arms hang parallel to his torso.

Silence came, along with confusion. The priest of the star gazer clan was the first to understand, for he knew that his ancestors had summoned the Priestess of the Dragon God during the Genpei Wars, and soon a clear understanding, a Hierophany, fell upon him. Hagio Kudan, as a hereditary servant of the Dragon God's Priestess, knew what had to be done, and thus he sang… the chorus of _Yashima_.

 _Chorus: It is the ancient battle on the ocean._

One loud step the actor made, already, most of the military men had understood the situation and joined their voices to the court astrologer. The first to join wasn't Arima, but the general from whom the Moriie had been stolen by the priestess, yet, seeing her using it so skillfully to slay all the demonic rebels, he felt no regret about it, but pride swelling in his chest instead.

 _Returning to this world once again, the ocean and mountain filled with life tremble._

Another, louder step fell on the wooden ground, then two small steps, followed by two more loud ones. Soon enough, all those who knew the words had joined their voices to the chorus.

 _The battle cry is given from the boat._

The actor's arms rose, and he gracefully turned to face the left of his original position, walking three steps, the fan at his waist and his fist forward. From there, he returned to the center, albeit forward, closer to the window, away from the officers, many of them had already sat in Seiza or crossing their legs; for many of them were of samurai lineage, Shizoku, and knew that formerly their ancestors fancied Nogaku and Shimai (informal representations), and had memories of being educated this way by their parents or grand-parents, before the westernization took everything at the bottom of the great seas of time. The Nochi-Shite, with his left leg took a step back while bringing the fan in horizontal position at neck level. Then, walking slowly in a demi-circle, she returned in front of the Chorus and turned so that they faced her back. She stepped forward again near the window, and with the fan described ample moves from the right to her face, turned to the left with horizontal fan, and sang.

 _Yoshitsune: Shields covers the land, just like the swells of the sea._

The Nochi-Shite spread wide her arms, then brought them in front of her belly, and passed the fan from her right hand to the left one. With ample and agile movements, she faced forward the Moonlit landscape of Tokyo, and the pronouncing the word Tate (shield) placed the fan forward so that it covered her mouth and the top of her chest, imitating a shield. By then, some people had actually picked up a few Flutes and Drums, and started playing the music too. Although they were amateurish, as if guided by the Priestess' grace and charisma, their pace was perfect.

 _Chorus: The moon brightly shines…_

This stance lasted but an instant, as she fast took a step back and with ample, stylish movements, drew the Katana, while the chorus sang, and indeed, the Japanese blade shone silver and crimson under the Moonlit. The music had come at the perfect right time, for it now increased the mystical aura of the scene unfolding in front of their eyes.

 _Yoshitsune: … with the light of swords._

Again, defending with her fan-hand, this time the sword was at her side, lowered. The word "hikari" having been pronounced, the Nochi-Shite changed stance.

 _Reciters: Reflected in the tide are…_

Both the sword and fan had been lowered and the Nochi-Shite walked, slowly, as if the ghost of Minamoto no Yoshitsune was remembering this grand battle while walking upon a mental image of the beach or of the battle barges of Dan no Ura.

 _Yoshitsune: the metallic stars on our helmets._

The Nochi-Shite had stopped and rose the fan above his head, took two small steps back, and in their interstice between "hoshi no" and "kage" loudly stomped the ground; her voice vibrated a long white note on this last word, as she lowered her fan slowly.

 _Reciters: The wave of clouds is undistinguishable from the sea and sky._

Slowly, ghastly, the Nochi-Shite turned her face toward the left, then to the right, as she stepped back five times, and brought the fan above her head again, then in front of it. By then, even Captain Arima, skeptical at first, had been... enchanted by the scene's aura, a mix of western and Japanese aesthetics, blood, viscera, corpses, steel and the peculiar enticing music of Nogaku, all under the moonlit.

 _We hit and stab each other in the clouds and rise and fall with the tactics of the battle on boats._

An energetic move, the Nochi-Shite turned its' face in the same direction as the fan, as if shyness had been replaced with action, and concealed, inactive strength became apparent like an explosion. Seven steps forward were taken, then another one back, accompanying the fan retreating move, as the sword was raised, pointed forward, then rose again and slash from top to bottom, while the actor stomped the ground loudly. The Nochi-Shite then retreated by one step, and the sword's hilt (tsuka) was brought horizontally the right shoulder while the tip (kissaki) faced forward. The fan raised once more in front her face, and then the sword thrust along with the warrior and the retreating fan.

 _While occupied with the battle, a spring day dawns with faint light from between the waves._

The sword was raised and with one hand carried pointing towards Heaven aloft, while Yoshitsune's ghost was taking several step backward. He fell on his right knee, and suddenly rose again, turned in front of the improvised chorus and slashed horizontally… they didn't reacted. The priestess had stopped near the corpse of one of the demon tribe, which she stabbed in the heart, few blood came out, as said heart had already stopped beating. A chill came, but realization at the same time… this girl was a samurai and a legendary priestess, she was stabbing those devils into their hearts, inflicting the magico-religious ritual exorcism "Todome" in order to exorcised their ghosts; and she did so under the guise of the theatrical arts, granting unparalleled mystical aura to this one in a life time experience… 'twas as if they were communicating with their ancestors. And she let it there, changed her fan hand in a stylish motion, and walked away. Be the sudden – but harmless – slash in front of them or her walking away, the military officers were unshaken, as everything was just like in a normal representation: the actor playing Yoshitsune as a Nochi-Shite role intended to use the room's door to exit the scene, just as planned.

 _That which seemed to be the enemy was a flock of seagulls. The voices heard as battle cries were the whizzing of the wind traveling over the bay._

Twelve steps were taken; Yoshitsune's ghost was just in front of the door. He stopped, and raised his left fist in a stance similar to the karate move, Gedan Barai, stayed still for nearly thirteen seconds, then turned 190° to face the door with an abrupt move of the head, opened it so as to have more place to move, and walked forward with small but energetic head motions. It was then that the pace of the music and song accelerated, and when he took the steps back, the flute played five long notes 'till the end of the scene, granting it a peculiar, breath taking aura.

 _Everything returns in the morning storm, blowing through the tall pine trees on the beach._

The Nochi-Shite took several steps back while the song's pace accelerated along with the music, and when the words Asa-Arashi (morning storm) were pronounced, she had exited their sight zone. And they… continued singing until the end. In one word it was… perfect.

While she was running away in the darkness of the corridor.

It took them quite a long moment before realization came. The General took back his sword, Osafune Moriie, embedded into the heart of Darius the devil… she had left it there because the piece asked this of the role she played, although Yoshitsune wasn't really supposed to stab it into the heart of sir Noritsune, Protector of Noto, but to abandon it on the grounds, she did stab the corpse anyway, probably to do "Todome".

How classy!

Suddenly, the General understood that she had ran away, profiting from the dark. Were the priestesses not supposed to be weak young girls, having clumsy romances with the men selected as her harem / divine protectors, and having not even the guts to pick all of them instead of just one, if at all? That was what Hagio had told them before the ceremony, and the military men thought she would be easy to control. But, taken in her pace, they hadn't been thinking all this time!

The grey haired General looked dumbly at his blood licking _Osafune Moriie_ , and suddenly screamed at his colleagues and subordinates in sudden realization to run after the priestess.

" _ **Wait, why are you running ? You are wasting that perfect entrance, Ukyô-chan !**_

\- Oh ! Still there, dragon god ? Speaking in my head, are ye ?

 _ **\- The reason thou wast summoned as my Priestess is to eliminate the Tsukiyami who threaten the Imperial Capital (Teitô), that's the story (monogatari) – de aru !**_

\- Tsukiyami…? Never heard about those guys. Who the coitus are those mum-coiters, anyway, some kind of moon cult worshipping snakes and seeking immortality?

 _ **\- Nah… just a bunch of horned junkies.**_

\- They aren't mentioned in History books, so they failed.

 _ **\- That's because thou wast sent in the past to prevent their success, deary…**_

\- Doesn't matter, its better if they fail. Look at modern Tokyo ! It's better like that, because I don't think that unlike the yankee, they have the grisbi to rebuild it full concretely concrete bullshit, if ya ask me.

 _ **\- Oh My Self! Thou'rt right! Let's just go in my crystal palace at the bottom of the sea and eat crabs, bananas, oysters and coco nuts. These chaps can deal with their own mess for all I care…**_

\- Sounds like a plan. But, eh, dragon god, I will consider punching coiting Akutagawa in the face, if the occasion arose, but… can I do something first?

 _ **\- What is it, Ukyô-chan?**_

\- Kick Prime Minister Itō Hirobumi in the balls.

 _ **\- Asian Dragons such as me have two penises. So, please, marry me.**_

\- Yummy dual penises? Coit yeah! Hum… I mean… Isn't there some kind of rule for ye gods to not interfere with mortals?

 _ **\- What? No. How dost thou think I had daughters, and that one of them made a baby with an Imperial Ancestor ? We are supposed to transform into humans if we come too close, but that's just an excuse.**_

\- Seriously, Kojiki was real all along?

 _ **\- Of course. What? Did ye hummies thoughts it was all made up just to impress the neighborhood? Have mercy on me, folks. Kojiki is nearly unreadable… even the Jews knew better than making a book no one can read, not even them, for horn blowing purposes!**_

\- Wait… transform into humans? What the heck? How can ya do that while taking the laws of physics into account? Where will all the energy-matter be going?"

Yeah, right. Tell us. Chaos Lord-kun & his fellow atheists await an answer from thee, glorious dragon god.

" _ **I know, right, it's retarded. That's precisely why it works! Bigger the lie and more realistic and convincing it sounds!"**_

Well… the truth was pretty disappointin'.

"No, seriously. Why the lie, though?

 _ **\- In order to avoid overworking. It's proof of a failed business model, knowest thou not? My Black Bro even thinketh that if we interacted directly with humans, we would have to regulate our services with money and stuff in order to not die from salt poisoning or cancer. But even then that would cause so many useless problems that in the end, it's just better to not get involved too much with the horrid forces of the Demos. So, in the end, he decided to bash on Japan, and help pharmaceutical companies and shady secret societies destroy the World for some reason.**_

\- Gods are lazy; who knew?!

 _ **\- No one will know if thou just keepest silent about it, deary. ;)**_

\- Well, count me in, dear husband! Just don't forget to mail my lord father, and drop me to the Dōjō from time to time so that I can work on limiting the sissy pandemic affecting Japanese society, that was unleashed by the accursed bourgeois, the Muricans and the liberal left.

 _ **\- Got it, my love.**_

 _ **-**_ I lived only to bleed commies to death and serve my sire; but now I will also live for our sake and our holy rice liquor, la Dive Bouteille.

\- _**You are so beautiful, my love…**_

\- And yer so yummy, Ryûjin-chama…"

The foxy warrior priestess burst into crazy laughter as they ran away from the government officials, too weak to catch her without harming their previous summoned Hero, or stopping her from doing a terrorist attempt, nor from flying away on a white dragon's back with fabulous golden hair.

They drank wine, sake, coconut juice and oyster fluids; had many kids with cheat powers, and lived happy forever and ever making the blood of commies poor down like in a Dynasty Warrior ultra-gore edition video game coupled with mortal kombat fatalities and ultra-realist graphics.

La Fin.


End file.
